My story: know your coach.

Ultimately, it’s not my degrees that will help you, nor how well I did in my classes. They only take me so far. Then it’s my experience that counts, my fumblings in the dark, my failures and how I’ve integrated them, how I live my own life, the alchemy of transforming theory into real-life practice, my compassion and ability to relate authentically.

The client profiles on my Coaching page aren’t random issues that I’ve studied theoretically from a book. They represent a chronology of my own hell-and-back struggles and issues that I’ve explored far more deeply than I casually like to admit. They are not part of the carefully curated image most people like to portray publicly. They are my messy lived experience.

My first love was anorexia, which quickly morphed into compulsive/binge eating, and segued into compulsive exercising, all of which were accompanied by shame and disgust and self-loathing. They hi-jacked my adolescence, all of my 20s, and overstayed their welcome into my early 30s.

I spent nearly twenty years devoting myself to this obsession, despite receiving the best treatments available: hospitalization and years of both individual and group therapy. The more I tried to fix my life by focusing on my weight and eating, the worse the whole mess got, the smaller my life became, and the more desperate I grew. I lived in the shadow of fear. I wouldn’t give myself permission to go for what I wanted in other areas, not until I had that overwhelming eating thing under control. In fact, I held my desires so far away that when asked, I couldn’t even identify them. I guess it was better that way...they didn’t seem remotely possible (c’mon, I was unable to do something as simple as eat when I was hungry) and the dissonance was painful. I put myself and my life on hold until that mythical day when I could finally prove that I was enough, once and for all.

Assembling ‘Team Erin:’ Living beyond the stretch of the shadow.

So I reassessed. And reconnected with what was happening inside me, both in my head and in my body. I was compulsively doing and planning, accomplishing, trying to be good at everything as a way to manage difficult emotions, insecurities and fears. It was time to examine the fear, self-doubt, negativity, and sense of inadequacy which drove my compulsions. It was time to find a new way.

Instead, I found many new ways, in the form of tools, strategies and support people. Individually, none of them were ‘the solution,’ but combined, they were powerfuI medicine, both for soothing my panic and offering practical ideas to implement. I assembled these into ‘Team Erin:’ my support scaffolding to help navigate the aggressive thought patterns, intense emotions and compulsive behaviors. This is the basis of the work I do with clients. Together, we assemble your own team of supportive people, tools, practices and strategies. Your way will look different than mine, yet because it was built exactly for you and stress-tested along the way, it will be sustainable.

I used to refer to the eating disorder as ‘the dark, wasted years’ - time I would never get back and experiences that served no purpose but to eddy me in despair, hollow me out and render me powerless. I now realize they were necessary fodder for all that has followed. The longing for a deeper purpose to my hell-and-back experiences was answered and you, dear client, are part of that answer. Somehow, my life came full circle while I was looking the other way. Having integrated my experiences, I can now help you live your life beyond the stretch of the dark shadow cast by:  

• Disrupted eating, body loathing, and weight issues. 

• Anxious, fearful, negative thought patterns.

• The suffering of your everyday life.

• Heavy, unwanted emotions such as fear, despair, grief, powerlessness, shame and inadequacy.

• Nervous system imbalance from years of living in panic and desperation.